worse things in life

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene
with Mum and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she
is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she
is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t
really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it
with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for
AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that’s on the kitchen table

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